With that token greeting card day and our favorite marmot-themed holiday bygone, our attentions shift to that greenest, luckiest, booziest, most culturally-appropriating holiday of the year – St. Patrick’s Day. While you’ll find a detailed history of St. Patrick’s Day elsewhere in other dark corners of the Internet, we’re counting ourselves lucky this year that vaporizing is finally a thing.
Besides being much better for you than smoking (you can read more about that in this blog post), vaporizing your favorite oils, herbs, and dried plant materials allows you to reap all their health benefits without damaging side-effects. Also, in our opinion, vaporizing is WAY better than these … let’s call them “alternative” … methods of ingestion, application, and inhalation. Here are some things you’re lucky aren’t still things.
1. The Tobacco Enema
No, we that wasn’t an autocorrect fail. Go back and read it again. Yep, it says, “tobacco enema.” This crazy contraption from the 1770s was used to blow tobacco smoke up the nose, into the mouth or, in more extreme cases, right up the keister. A page from the Royal Human Society 1774 explained that the Tobacco Resuscitator could even be used to revive people who were dead. Though, we suspect that tobacco’s stimulant qualities do have their limits.
Lucky for you, our Sidekick Portable Vaporizer holds up to ¼ gram of your favorite dried herbs. So you can enjoy your favorite plant materials wherever you want. And it comes with absolutely no attachments for that other thing. Also, no resurrection powers. But it does have replaceable batteries.
2. The Urine Cocktail
Throughout history, many cultures prized urine for its ability to cure all sorts of diseases – from headaches, to sleeplessness, and even as a remedy for body odor. The breaking point? SCIENCE, of course. We feel bad for the panel of doctors who actually busted this myth. But besides smelling like the underside of a bridge or maybe helping with the rare jellyfish scenario, the consensus about urine is, “Yeah, don’t drink that.”
Lucky for you this St. Patrick’s Day season, the Super Surfer Vaporizer comes with an aromatherapy dish that will let you enjoy your favorite melts or oils. So, if you smell a little ripe from too many burpees, or from hitting the taco truck a little hard, you can buy some shower time away from your date with a sweet-smelling apartment.
3. The Ketchup Cure-All
This one … just … wow. You may not know that this tomato-based, love-it-or-hate-it condiment went from being considered poisonous in the early 1800s, to being marketed as medicine in the 1830s. After a published paper claimed that tomatoes could treat digestive problems, Dr. Archibald Miles began travelling from town to town, selling his American Hygiene Pill. The problem was, “Dr. Miles” was really just, “Mr. Miles,” and his “Hygiene Pill” was really just, “dried tomatoes.”
After crossing paths with another so-called doctor, Miles retired to his lab and formulated the all-new “Dr. Miles’ Compound Extract of Tomato.” This cure-all (that was actually straight-up ketchup) was said to remedy everything from jaundice and coughs, to rheumatism and indigestion. Some patients were even ordered to consume more than 1½ cups of ketchup each day. And while that, alone, might be the most unappetizing sentence we’ve ever written, we are VERY interested in checking out the pile of fries that would accompany that much ketchup. But, we digress.
Lucky for you, our flagship Silver Surfer Vaporizer features an innovative whip connection angle which keeps your herbs in the wand (where they belong), and reduces the stress on your glass. So, you’ll be in the perfect position to vaporize some peppermint for that tummy ache. And vaporizing with the Silver Surfer means you won’t have to eat 12oz. of ketchup. See? Just … wow.
Of all the blessings that come with being born after the end of the 19th Century, we feel especially lucky this St. Patrick’s Day that we can enjoy all our favorite plants and herbs without having to do anything weird. Also, the 21st Century has cake pops.
But the luck doesn’t stop with delicious, frosted confections. You can also rack up some serious savings this month with our March Mania (which sounds a lot like the name of that basketball event that happens in March but is reasonably and legally distinct from said event) Sale.